waiting

ok so I have been going back and forth over the last week and a half between constipation and diarrhea.  mostly constipated but 2 times had diarrhea.  I am normally very regular.  Up until last night I have not been getting to go.  Then last night I got a pretty twisted up feeling tummy and then really really went.  I felt fine after that.  This morning im still feeling fine but my stomach was making lots of gurgling noises!   Nothing ever came of it.  Later on now this morning I started to feel that heavy crampy feeling in my lower ab.  more the the left side though I was feeling some twinges and dull aches.  now i just for the most part feel the crampy feeling all the way across my lower ab.  I keep thinking this shouldnt be so hard.  I either am pregnant or im not i hate analyzing all this. i feel like my brain has convinced me that im pregnant!  and that im slightly insane.

I had the most wonderful dream last night that I had a beautiful baby girl.  I even dreamed I had to deliver her on my own and she was perfect.  I woke up missing her and sad because she wasnt here with me.

Anyway AF is due approx Thurs.  Im supposed to be able to test on thurs.  I did test yesterday and got a negative.  I was even more surprised since the trigger shot is known to give false positives that being the reason for waiting the full 2 weeks.  i guess it was no longer in my system.  I have the heavy somewhat crampy feeling in lower ab and lower back.  totally could be AF but also same symptoms as pregnancy.  Im totally still praying for the later!

This being my first true good efforted try I feel the disapointment will be huge for me if I see AF.  Im so scared of that.  I am hoping that tomorrow being I am getting done with work early to go see my sons choir concert that that might be a good distraction from thinking about it.