What if I was pregnant the whole time?!

So here I am on CD 37 with a LP of 21 according to my chart anyway.  I dont even know if I O'ed this month at all.  I didnt see any signs of it.  Anyway I was on progesterone this month for 14 days.  My normal cycle is about 28-30 day with only 11 day LP.  So I have been expecting my period for about a week now.  I have been patient though since I figured with the progesterone things would be different.  I called my Dr to let him know my concerns and frustration and am just waiting to hear back.  If I could find my pregnancy test that I know I have somewhere I would have taken it by now.  My breasts hurt not quite as bad as when I was preg with my son but since I dont normally get that with my period its kinda wierd for me.  I assume again its from the progesterone.  If I had conceived on nov 9th when I did my first IUI I'd be 12 weeks along and I have a hard time believing that is possible without me or my dr knowing it.  I had U/S's at 4 weeks and 9 weeks looking for good follies with no luck.  But as far as I know we never saw a baby either! Im SURE he woulda told me if he had! lol.  I looked online today and heard that at that early time its possible not to see it yet.  And I do have a little tilt to my uterus, so I have been told.  So here I am with 3 cycles since the IUI that are all not normal.  Before the IUI they were normal.  Why would the IUI have changed that if im not preg?  FRUSTRATED!!!!!  So now here I am with brown spotting again for the last 2 days expecting to start bleeding any minute.  I am supposed to start Clomid on CD5 but I have no clue how Im going to tell what cycle day it is if it doesnt turn red.  Im so scared about wasting this cycle all together cuz Im gonna miss it.  They say the first day of your cycle is the first day of red blood.  what if i dont get red blood.  The brown blood is old blood right so I dont actually have a period yet then right?  On the first even of spotting there was a couple pink spots in it but thats it no sight of that since.  I gotta quit talking Im asking all these questions no one is answering so I should just quit for now before I upset myself.

Progesterone

So I finished the progesterone on Tuesday.  It is now Thursday.  My breasts hurt a little bit and AF is late.  I assume its from the progesterone.  I know he wanted to make my LP longer and I really hope it helps with the next cycle as well since there really was no point in making this cycles LP longer.  Even if I had wanted to try with this cycle the stupid cycle was a flop.  I had an U/S on CD14 and it was too early.  I went back 2 days later and my eggs had actually shrunk!  WTF?  Very disapointing.  So he put me on 2 weeks of progesterone and then once my cycle starts over I will be on Clomid on CD5-9 again only this time it will be 100mg.  I am praying to God regularly.  I really just want him to make my cycle regular so that I can try.  My cycle was regular until I tried the first time and nothing has been normal since then.  Im frustrated.  I am not dwelling on it all the time though.  I am frustrated when I think about it but its not an all day every day thing I am hoping that will help.

Cranky

Hello
Sorry its been a few days.  I have been having some attitude issues with my 7 year old.  He sure does act like a 2 year old sometimes and that really surprises me.  He goes to bed crying every night like a 2 year old cuz I wont let him sleep in my bed.  I think he should be so past that by now.  And he hates school like a 13 year old would.  Why cant my kid just be 7?

Anyway Im on my 7th day of taking progesterone.  I really really hope its doing what its supposed to do.  Im not sure if Im supposed to get a period on time or not.  I kinda feel alone.  Which I do know that was kind of the purpose of becoming a single mom but still.  According to my chart I am 7 DPO.  Thats hard to know if its true since im not sure I even ovulated this month.  I quit testing for it as I knew I was wasting the test strips.  Speaking of test strips...I better get off here and order some since with prayers every day I hope to be trying for real with the next cycle and I dont have enough to get me through the next cycle.

Well I will keep you posted.  I hope that people are seeing this and that they will join me in conversation as I'd really like to have someone to compare notes with.

Donor inactive

Well I finally just did it.  They offered me 6 vials and I took 1.  My donor is no longer with the program either so what they had is what they had and they had to take me off the waiting list and give the 5 I didnt take to someone else.  someone is going to be real excited when they get that call today!  I continue to pray daily for help and guidance through this process.  My friends and family tell me to pray pray pray and then listen for answers from God.  I worry that Im not doing something right since I dont really hear any answers from him.  Do I make the decision that I do because subconsiously God told me to?  Does it work that way?  I dont really know.  I do hope he is with me maybe even carrying me for all I know.  I hope the reason that I bought one vial rather than 2, other than for financial reasons, is because I will only need one vial.  I am actually hoping that I dont even need that vial.  I have a vial at the Dr's office and I am praying that that one works in February when I try.  I am praying that I GET to try in February.

Procrastinating

Well here I am procrastinating!  I got that call from the sperm bank on Tuesday because I was on a waiting list for my donor.  He is now inactive.  But they offered me 6 vials.  I really want to buy 2 vials.  But I just cannot afford to take that much money out of my savings account.  I do have a 7 year old son to keep in mind.  We are doing just fine with our expenses now.  But I like to have that cusion in the bank for emergencies.  I have been using my savings for this process and 2 more vials will cost more than my comfort level can take.  I have been racking my brain with ways I could possibly earn more money.  I have a licensed day care in my family and I have looked into adding second shift but I cannot do that because I already work 11 hours and im only allowed to work 12 hours in a 24 hours period.  So that is out of the question.  Then I thought of blogging.  Some people get an income off of that.  But how?!  I looked it up online since I have never blogged before and I still dont quit understand how they make money at it.  I know it has something to do with the advertising but how do they get advertisers?  Anyway I decided while looking to go ahead and start this free one.  Mostly in hopes that I could get some followers and get some conversation going.
Anyway back to the donor thing.  I have my credit card out and I need to call by 5 tonight and give them an answer.  I know what I have to do and just buy the 1 vial but it makes me sick to let the rest go.  I really really want 2 it would just make me feel better.

Introduction

I am a single mom.  My son is 7.  His father was someone I was dating.  When I got pregnant is when I really learned who he was.  It was a little too late by that time.  He is now uninvolved and I prefer it that way.  I am 34 and now realize that I like being a single mom and that the dating and marriage thing isn't something I want to go through again.  I made the choice almost a year ago to start working on what I needed to do to get pregnant.  I started by going off the pill.  I had been on it several years for the sole purpose of keeping my acne under control.  I got a period right after going off the pill.  But then after that it took more than 90 days to get another.  I have been charting ever since.  My charts looks really good, normal and regular until the first time I did TTC.  I tried in November 2011.  near the end of the 2WW I started to spot here and there.  By the time I hit the test date I had more brown spotting.  I decided not to test since it was probably AF that was coming.  All I ended up with was light brown period to start my next cycle and ever since then I have had irregular periods.  Two days about with very light or just brown blood.  TMI sorry!  My last AF I had 1 normal day and thats it.  I tried clomid on CD5-9 this month and on CD14 I had an U/S.  The eggs wernt big enough so I went back 2 days later only to find they shrunk!  Ug!  So now today I will be starting 14 days of progesterone and then 100mg of Clomid on CD5-9 again.  I pray this works as I would love to TTC in February.  Thats the jist of my story.  Of course there are many more trials and tribulations in between.  I would love to chat with anyone going through the same things.  I would also love to hear from anyone who has been successful and what it took to have that success!

New Blogger!

I am hoping to start a blog to meet other women that are single mothers by choice.  I am currently in the TTC mode.  I am going through a lot and it would be great to have someone to go through this with.  Someone who understands.